It's all about me...!!

Hi all, Beckyboo here.

I used to have a single girl blog before but sadly I deleted it as some people didn't like some of the things I posted about. Luckily now, I don't care what people think!

So I'm back and single... again!

I honestly must have the worst luck with dating. Some people say you only ever get one true love - maybe that's true and I've had mine.

A little background to me, at the age of 18 I fell for the older guy, Dean. Dean was 29 when we first starting dating and I fell for him.

It's funny as I knew Dean for a few months before we started dating as he was best friends with the man my sister was dating (and has since married). But I was actually dating a lovely guy at the time. I had been with Bill for around 18 months and although he was amazing, we relationship changed into more a friendship.

When you're with a 'nice' guy and this cool older guy starts being interested in you, you open your eyes a little more. It's crazy as my eyes were actually so closed with Dean but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Dean had said to my Mum that he was going to marry me one day. This was before we had even started dating. Maybe the fact that my Mum said 'No chance' spurred me into his arms more - such a rebellious young girl.

Fast forward three years and we're standing in Ashwells Country Club, Brentwood saying our 'I do's'. Dean at the age of 32 and a fresh-faced bride aged just 21.

Now fast forward again just over three years, and my World came crashing down.

Despite Dean being an absolute fucker sometimes, I still loved him more than anything in the World but sadly he was in a very dark place and completed suicide on 20th August 2011.

People kept saying why didn't I see the signs but I honestly didn't. All the sides were just 'Dean being Dean'. People who knew Dean, know that he was a very troubled man. He was like Jacklyn Hyde. Sometimes he was insanely high, with his silent laugh and being the biggest joker ever. Then he was incredibly low, being possessive and breaking things.

As a silly young girl trying to prove to the World that I was a grown up, I didn't know what I was doing. I know I didn't help him as much as I could have but as I said, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

So four years on since Dean passed away and I am living this life incredibly different from what I had expected.

I hope you can follow me on my journey and help me along the way with any tips and advice.


Much love,
BB.

Us on holiday

The Silent Laugh

The look of love