Don't give cherries to pigs or advice to fools

I think we've all been guilty of dishing out advice when we think we know best, but perhaps we really don't know best. 

I know I am guilty of this, especially at the moment with someone special in my life. I have all the best intentions in the World but I can only see things through my eyes. 

Although I'm doubting whether what I'm saying is truly the best advice, I know it's coming from my heart with all the best intentions. 

I have been on the receiving end of some ill-fitting advice. After Dean passed away, I received some real golden nuggets like "Shit happens" and "Everything happens for a reason".

I must admit with the shit happens comment, I wasn't quite sure whether to laugh or cry (standard reactions for everything around that time) but reflecting upon it, I know the person saying it meant well (albeit rather untackfully!). 

I've since received (although often I've never ask for it) lots of pearls of wisdom on dating. 

Now most of this has come from people in long term relationships, those that haven't received several (unwanted) willy photos from delightful men (and possible trans-genders) off various dating apps like Tinder and POF. 

These people hand out their advice behind their 'love bubbles' filled with Sunday morning snuggles and eating Ben & Jerries in front of a roaring fire (the ex had some perks). 

What they don't realise is dating is tough!! They think it's all fun and games, of going out to dinner for free or cool wine bars (lesson learnt to never drink Long Island ice-tea on a first date!). 

They haven't recently encountered the constant boob watchers (even other girls boobs!) or the guy who thinks it's acceptable to discuss how great his ex was in bed (not cool!).

They may have good intentions but they are out of touch with dating. I've been the one recently to be handing out dating advice (which I feel I am overly qualified to do).

My main piece of advice is manage expectations. You are not perfect, so why should your date be?

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I'm not saying we should just 'settle' but at least be realistic. 

I think my problem in the past, has been that I've been so focussed on what I don't want, that I haven't really considers what I do want. 

I would never allow anyone to control me again so if I see any element of that, I run a mile. And I won't tollerate mind games. Sadly some people do it without even realising they are doing it, for example "meet me if you're brave enough..."  

I would love to meet my equal. I don't mean everything has to be a level playing field. The best part of relationships (from what I vaguely remember) is the ability to work with each others strengths and help with those weaknesses. 

Simple things like someone is the better cook so they are happy to cook more, and the other one does the dishes. 

I think you should be with someone who can accept your past and want to help build the best future together. 

One piece of advice which I always used to roll my eyes at was "stop looking for someone". I honestly thought people were so stupid  for saying this. It's easily said from your snuggle sofa...

But actually, they were right. After the last horrible date, I thought sod this I'm done with dating. 

Since taking the pressure off myself, I've felt so much happier. 

I've never 'needed' to date someone. I'm incredibly independent and I can always  ask for help - Daddy to the rescue. But occasionally it's nice to have someone to talk to. 

The simply things like sharing how your day has been or having a little moan about something is good. 

So it seems that less is more in the World of dating. The less time you spend on dating apps and the more time you spend on important things like socialising with work colleague (purely an example...) is perhaps more beneficial. Mayve we'll see...