It's not like I've been a reclusive over the past 18 months, it's just most of my 'dates' haven't made it past the three date mark (with the exception of the Situationship).
I'm very used to the 'excitement' of meeting someone for the first time, this is usually because nearly all of my previous dates I've met through various dating apps. And I'm equally used to them not being remotely like what I thought they would be like.
Even after weeks of texting someone prior to meeting up, you still don't know whether you will actually 'like' someone until you meet up.
I'm now faced with an odd dilemma of actually meeting someone in the real World (yikes no swiping left here) and I'm completely not used to it!
Now that doesn't mean it's a bad thing, it just means I'm a little rusty. Everyone used to say to me that I should give up on the apps and meet someone 'normally' (this advice always came from someone in a relationship!) and now it's kind of (yes being reserved as always!) happened, I have no clue.
I'm loving the excitement of seeing a 'Good morning' message (although I'm usually the first one to message - take note Mr) and really enjoying being on the phone (well FaceTime) until the wee hours of the morning.
But I'm still not used to the whole being nice thing. I mean, I'm always nice to everyone. Well to those that don't piss me off. But I'm so uncomfortable with receiving compliments. I don't really understand it.
I should be flattered when someone says I'm attractive or even better, intelligent. But I keep wondering the reasoning behind the compliment. How can someone think that of me?
My self-esteem really isn't that bad. I'm happy with the person I am but it's rare that I 'rate myself'. I'm very confident with certain things. Work, for example, is where I feel very confident. I know what I'm doing at work and if I don't, I'll learn.
So why do I struggle hearing nice things about me? I guess I know the deep rooted issues lie with what has happened in the past but I thought I had dealt with most of those issues - perhaps not.
I certainly don't want the compliments to stop but if I was giving compliments that keep getting brushed off, you'll soon stop bothering.
I also need to curb my enthusiasm for certain things. I love to plan things - especially travel or fun days out. But I don't want my silly childish excitement of doing fun things to be confused with being too 'keen'.
I'm very independent so I'll do things regardless if it's with someone else, but the thought of sharing something fun with someone I like, it's a really nice idea.
This whole dating malarkey is like a balancing act. Trying to show to someone your interested but not too keen. Being 'available' but not desperate. And trying to be open and honest with someone but also trying to act cool and mysterious.
It's a tough job... but I do like a challenge. Especially one that may result in me receiving breakfast in bed!
This seems very appropriate albeit worded terribly.
Absolutely no comment!!
No comments:
Post a Comment