Another one bites the dust

My astounding luck with men has struck again. Honestly it's unbelievable how shitty my ability to choose a good man is. 

I once again fell for the idea of something that I thought it could be, when actually it just wouldn't have worked. 

I fell for the charm, the 'honesty' and yes the looks. 

M managed to play me well. I liked how honest he had been with me. I mean explaining that he has four children by three different women was a big thing. And just in general, he seemed refreshingly honest.

However, all the times he seemed to be being honest was utter bollocks. 

When I asked him if he was dating anyone else, he said no just one person at a time. So you can imagine my surprise when he tells me he's getting close to someone else. 

I liked how he said about taking things slow and being friends first but I thought it was more. Friends don't kiss, friends don't talk so intimately and they don't keep saying about a 'future' together. 

Of course I was initially disappointed that yet again I've chosen an arsehole but actually it's a blessing in disguise. 

A decent man would not introduce a women he has just started to date (because yes they were bloody dates!) to his children. Actually only 50% of the sprogs. 

And a decent man who knows just how much I've been through in the past, would not lead me on. 

I think this experience has taught me some good lessons. I have to stop being too open so early. 

I tell people about my past up front but actually I shouldn't need to. It's such a personal experience and it's not something that should effect a future relationship. 

I'm also too open in the sense of being available. If I like someone then I will make myself free for them. So that may mean cancelling other plans or being too freely accessible. 

A dear friend of mine explained how guys like the chase. They like knowing they've worked hard for something and it's not just given up so easily. 

I've also learnt not to be so trusting too soon. I used to always trust someone until they gave me a reason not to but now I need to do it the other way round. 

That doesn't mean I'll be questioning someone all the time but it just means not believing everything people say. 

I'm going to be more reserved in the future. I want to hold my cards, closer to my chest. 

I've also learnt that I am completely off internet dating. I'm sure there are some lovely, genuine people on the sites/apps but sadly I've met far too many not so nice people to give it another chance. 

I used to believe in second chances but not when it comes to Internet dating. 

Hopefully these lessons I've learnt due to M will help me in the future to find someone decent. 

I'm not giving up on finding someone nice, I know it will happen but I think I need a few tweeks first.