I haven't been in love for a very long time. Since Dean I have said 'I love you' to two boyfriends. However, I'm not sure whether I did fully love them or just loved the idea of what the future could have been like.
Dating makes the most normal girl (and I'm pretty sure some guys too) into irrational wrecks. I know I have a nasty habit of overthinking things at the best of times but when it comes to dating, it's even more heightened.
A prime example of this was a recent text conversation with M. M and I have been chatting for about a month now, we've been on three lovely dates and we seem to be privy to each others 'interesting' pasts.
I, reading into everything as usual, had noticed that our text conversations had become a little stilted over the past few days. M has so much going on at work and home at the moment, I know the whole situation and have even offered any help I can give him, yet because our conversation wasn't flowing as usual, I said he seems 'off'.
Being the mature guy he is, he simply said 'Just tired, Don't analyze. It's text. There's no tone lol'. Why can't every man be this direct.
Now do we think this is going to stop me worrying, probably not. I frustrate the hell out of myself! I am an independent, career women who travels the World yet when it comes to a guy I actually like, I'm a nightmare.
Luckily I tend to keep my insecure thoughts to myself so fingers crossed guys don't see my issues (or read this blog!).
Friends have told me before to relax and go with it but I actually don't know what a 'normal' relationship is like. I'm not in a relationship with M, it's only been three dates but he certainly is someone I like being around and he actually feels like my equal.
I can't believe I actually think that! Throughout the numerous people I've dated, all I've wanted is to find someone I feel equal to.
I've dated guys in the past where I have felt inferior as they had a much better paid job than me or were more intelligent than me. And on the flip side, I've dated guys that have never left the UK so because of my travels I feel more Worldly than them.
Being equal doesn't mean you both have to earn the same amount of money or both have the same level of intelligence - although you have to be pretty close. It simply means you can work with each others strengths and weaknesses. It's hard to explain, I think you just know if you're an equal in a relationship.
Getting back to the craziness, I read the best book a while ago called 'Read Bottom Up'. It's about a girl and guy who start dating. It shows the communications (text and emails) between them and also between their friends. It shows how men and women read things so differently (as if there is a tone to a text! Who would be foolish enough to think that?).
I know sometimes half the battle of these things is being aware of the issue. I know I read into things too much so now I need to learn how to just relax and go with the flow. It's nice having supportive people around you who can understand your craziness.
My Dad sent me this the other day... Sums it all up really!!
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